What do you want to do after you graduate? This is the most repeated, dreadful question that I’ve encountered during my time in college. It’s the question that people use as conversation filler when there’s absolutely nothing else to say. I try my best to answer, but most of the time I end up stumbling over myself trying to express the fact that I have no idea what I want to do. Yes, I have declared a major and that in itself is half the battle right there. However, just because I’ve selected a field of study no way implies that I know what I want to do after I graduate.
When people hear my response of being unsure about what I want they probably think I’m some kind of slacker, but anyone in my life knows that’s the opposite of the truth. Dedication and motivation are engraved into my work ethic. Not knowing what direction my life is going after graduation is something that occupies my mind constantly. All my life I’ve been a planner. I’m the dork who creates daily to-do lists to keep myself on task throughout the day. If I don’t have a plan and have to do things on the fly I become extremely preoccupied and anxious. Is it such a crime to want to be prepared?
On the other hand, how am I supposed to even be prepared when I don’t have clue what I want to do with my major or with my life in general? I feel like I’m driving alone at night down a long, winding road with my only source of light illuminating just a few feet in front of me. I can’t believe that is less than ten months I’ll be walking across a stage to accept written proof of my completed degree – then that will be it, I’ll be released into the real world and free of the comforts Washburn’s campus provided me for two years.
This real world will be a place filled with pressures, expectations, challenges and responsibilities. Every obstacle that lands in my path will be assuming that I’m going to fail. I try to be confident about the future, but I’m actually terrified. I’m scared of failing, scared of missing out on experiences, and scared of not being successful. I just want everything to work out for the best and unfortunately, I have absolutely no way of knowing for certain that it will – and that kills me.