Replaceable relationships

Relationships are complicated even after they end. The “moving-on process” is hard. After the relationship ends, there isn’t a spell that erases all the memories you shared. It certainly isn’t a chalk drawing that washes away after a drizzle. It sticks with you. I now understand why you can’t stay friends with your ex-boyfriend. Transitioning from a friendship into a romantic relationship is one thing, but reversing the process is different because some feelings never disappear.

I’ve been single for 10+ months, and I thought I was doing well. I was on semi-good terms with my ex. I knew he must be seeing other girls by now, which is the natural course to take after an appropriate period following a breakup. This didn’t upset me because I’d been seeing other guys, but I decided I’d rather not see his latest conquests on social media. I unfollowed him on FB, but I forgot about Snapchat. Then I came across a video I wasn’t expecting. It was a video of a girl he called amazing in the caption. After watching it a couple times, I felt strange.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that he’s with someone else. I know breaking up with him 10+ months ago was the right choice. I know we weren’t right for each other and it’s better to be a part, but this video still brought about feelings of insecurity and sadness. I felt replaceable. After being together for almost five years he replaced me in less than a year with some girl he called “amazing.” Ugh, what did I tell you? Relationships are messy and frustrating even after they end.

“If two past lovers can remain friends, it means they were never in love in the first place or one of them is still hoping for a second chance.” 

I do want him to be happy because I still care about him. It’s just difficult watching someone, who played such a huge role in my life, move on to a new chapter that doesn’t include me. A chapter that will replace every memory, laugh and kiss we shared. She will be the one to create new memories with him, while my memories slowly fade like the chalk drawing.

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