Replaceable relationships

Relationships are complicated even after they end. This so-called “moving on” process is much harder than one might imagine. Even after you let someone go you don’t just magically forget all the memories. The relationship isn’t some chalk drawing that can be washed away after a single rainstorm. The entire thing sticks with you and it muddles everything. I understand now why so many people actively choose not to remain friends with their exes. Transitioning from a friendship into a romantic relationship is one thing, but trying to reverse that process is a whole other convoluted story – because there are some feelings that just never disappear.

I’ve been single for over ten months now, and I thought I was doing really well. I was on semi-good terms with my ex-boyfriend – not saying that he and I are best friends or anything, but we at least try to respect and care for each other. I knew in the back of my mind that he must be dating and seeing other girls by now, which is of course the natural course of action to take after an appropriate period following the breakup has passed. Although I respect that, given that I have been doing the same, I decided a while ago that I’d rather not be subjected to seeing any of that on social media. However, tonight I came across a video on his Snapchat story that affected me in ways I wasn’t expecting. After seeing a video of a girl he called “amazing” in the video caption, I felt strange.

Like I said, it wasn’t a surprise to discover that he’d been in and currently is in another relationship. I’m well aware that the decision I made over 10 months ago was the right choice. I don’t regret choosing to end things between us because I know that we are better off a part. But this feeling, after watching the video a couple times, brought me down. It made me feel replaceable. After being together for almost five years he was able to find a replacement for me in less than a year. Someone “amazing” who he can take on dates to places where him and I celebrated anniversaries. Well, what did I tell you? Relationships are a mess and more frustrating even after they’ve been disbanded.

Of course you have to understand that I do want him to be happy – I still care about him and his future immensely because I’m a compassionate person who’d never wish the worst on anyone. It’s just so difficult watching someone who once played such a critical role in my life move on to a new chapter in his life. A chapter that I know I won’t have a role in. A chapter that will replace every memory, every laugh and every kiss we ever shared. She’ll create and cherish new memories with him, while my memories will be left to slowly fade like that chalk drawing after a single rainstorm.

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