Sometimes I feel like giving up. Sometimes I wonder if all the crippling stress will be worth it. Why do I bother trying so hard all the time? Why should I push myself to the point of physical exhaustion and emotional breakdowns? What reward could outweigh the mountain of frustration I feel every day? Is this really how I’m supposed to be spending some of the best years of my life?
I spend all my time fixated on what my life will be like after graduation: what job I’ll have, how much traveling I’ll do, how successful I’ll be. I should be focused on enjoying my life. Of course, how am I supposed to find time to enjoy life when my goal is checking one more thing off my to-do list?
What am I doing wrong? Why do I spend only a small percentage of my life being happy while the other 91% is spent worrying and stressing? I don’t want to look back on these years and only remember tirelessly working and trying to manufacture the perfect resume, skill set and ‘look’ to score a job. When did life stop being about happiness and start being about killing yourself to achieve success? I wish they were one in the same, but nowadays you have to choose. Would you rather have success or happiness?
When I started college, I chose success and I’ve missed out on a lot because of that. I’ve missed college-only opportunities: a chance to live a carefree life full of mistakes. In my life, I work hard to impress everyone: a successful daughter; a sisterly role model; and most importantly … a driven, intelligent student. No matter how miserable and overtaxed I am I have to prove my worth. After all, that’s what college demands.
“Mold yourself into the best possible version of yourself to show the world, even if that means killing yourself in the process.”