A 500 lb. weight

arm-blue-drown-hand-water-favim-com-110485_largeEveryone reaches their own low point. A point where you feel completely hopeless and incapable. You feel like you’re submerged at the bottom of the ocean with a 500 lb. weight attached to your ankle. As time passes, water begins to fill your lungs as you desperately struggle for air. No matter how hard you try the chain won’t give which leaves you twisting and turning in pure trepidation. This is how I felt when I spilled out the contents of my heart in ‘Eighty-Six Percent.’ At the time I was in an intense battle with the same 500 lb. weight that was denying me the chance to breathe. I was overcome by anxiety, frustration and pressure. I felt like all the tension was transforming me into some kind of victim. Then I realized something – being stressed is normal because it’s one piece of negative collateral damage from performing life’s balancing act. Therefore, becoming overwhelmed is acceptable – it’s only troublesome when it starts affecting your well-being and the interactions and relationships you have with others. At this point some real reflection needs to occur. Despite the busy schedule that creates constant stress in my life I realized that being miserable and isolating myself isn’t going to solve anything. When I’m drowning I feel like I need to cast everyone aside and suffer in silence in my own constructed world of misery and distress. But, in all honestly, how does that help me? All that does is make me feel more alone, forlorn and stagnant. Instead of pushing away the people who clearly care about me, I need to be relying on their support and love. After all, they’re the ones with the ability to break the 500 lb. weight’s chain and carry me up to the surface because they are and always will be my rescue team.


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