It is essential to reserve time for adjustment and adaption during the start of every relationship. I haven’t started a relationship with someone in over five years and, trust me, a lot can happen to a person in five years. I’m not a 16-year-old girl anymore – I’ve expanded my thinking, grown in maturity and developed a sense of individuality. Being almost 22 years old now, I’ve learned who I am and have started visualizing a clear version of the person I want to be. In order to be that person I need someone by my side who will encourage and support the ongoing development needed to achieve that vision. Now that I’ve found that special person and started a new bond, I’ve noticed something.
I said that I haven’t started a new relationship in over five years, so it wasn’t hard for me to forget the beginning stages. Those overwhelming feelings of inseparability and infatuation that cause you to abandon all sense of independence. After being on my own for almost a year I’d become accustomed to the single life – thinking for myself, worrying about myself and impressing myself. But, like I said, those feelings of infatuation and inseparability can be overwhelming at first because all you’re thinking about is how lucky you are to be with this person. So it’s hard to avoid becoming too dependent, clingy and needy during the first couple months – even if it’s (apparently) all in your head.
I only have one prior relationship to compare these feelings to, which is different from most who’ve had several past companionships. I’m used to being controlled and constantly needed and while that sounds totally unappealing – after five years it became the norm to me. Now, things are the polar opposite, which is great. But it’s also causing a great deal of inner frustration because I have to remind myself that even though he doesn’t spend every second talking to me, he still cares about me. The thing is, he’s more mature and independent than my ex-boyfriend was, which is so wonderfully new to me! I guess it’s true what I said at the beginning – you really do need to leave some room for that period of needed adjustment.