Rolling with life

Today I found out through an unsettling experience that I have control issues. I try to deny it, but I do have a strong tendency to regulate everything and everyone. “If you want something done, you’ve got to do it yourself” is a concept I apply heavily in every area of my life, especially school. This trait can serve as more of a harmful flaw than a helpful strength according to a professor of mine. Sometimes life is going to introduce obstacles that will force you to realize you can’t control everything.

“When you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing. Relax, breathe, let go and just live.”

It’s hard to be a perfectionist in a society where excellence is rarely appreciated and slackers are multiplying. Whenever I’m forced to work with these people, I bulldoze past them and complete the work myself. I do this because I don’t trust their judgment and I would rather not be confrontational about it. I know how intelligent I am, and I know how positive the result will be if I do it myself.

But do I control the universe? No. So I shouldn’t try to control it because it’s only going to end with people thinking poorly of my teamwork skills and associate me with a dictatorial witch.

Maybe this is why I’m emotionally exhausted all the time. When you’re trying to keep everyone in line, you forget to enjoy your life. You get so caught up in perfection that you end up miserable. If you can’t enjoy life then what’s the point of trying to make it perfect? Perfection isn’t happiness, and I should know. I’ve found joy during the messiest points of my life. I need to surrender my controlling instincts and appreciate life’s imperfections.


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