Consumed with the past

The past is a strange thing. Just because something is in the past doesn’t mean it’ll stay there. It creeps back into your mind from time to time. I was in a relationship for almost five years, and it ended about a year ago. We haven’t spoken since the summer; I’ve unfollowed him on social media and we live nine hours apart, but even these factors don’t stop my thoughts. Let’s be real, it’s not possible to be in a relationship for a quarter of your life and not think about it again after it ends.

I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately. Not in the OMG-I-want-him-back-kind-of-way, but in the I-wonder-how-he’s-doing-kind-of-way. These feelings haven’t been strong enough to text him. I’m aware he’s moved on and has a new life, new girlfriend and is advancing in his music. I just can’t help wondering if he’s different. Would the problems that ended our relationship still be there? We were just kids when we dated and I feel like we’ve grown up a lot since we broke up. Sometimes people need time alone to develop independence and maturity, especially when they break up at 20.

“Fall in love with God first and He will give you the right person that you deserve in the right time.”

I wonder about crossing paths with him down the road and trying again. Would it be different? Would it work this time? I don’t want to cling to this because there’s no point in holding onto the past. If I’ve learned anything, it’s trust God’s plan and believe he’ll bring me my soulmate. It’s not my mission to figure out who it’ll be.

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