Yesterday my boyfriend and I tested a new Catholic church closer to home in North Topeka. We’d driven by this church several times, and each time we did we each commented on the size and structure of the gorgeous building. Finally, last night at 4 p.m. we decided to give it a go. The church’s exterior landscaping was beautiful while the interior vestibule and nave were excessively spacious with high-pitched ceilings and widened pews. As we sat there before mass started I gazed around the nave. Although there were no stain glass windows present, there was something special that caught my eye on the sanctuary – engraved into the wood at the top of the sanctuary situated below the crucifix were the two words: “I Thirst.” As I sat transfixed I couldn’t help but feel that those words define a desirous flame that is crackling in my heart. Even outside of our faith, we are all thirsting to feel something or have a void within our lives filled.
For some, it’s the desire to be loved. For others, it’s the need to find independence. My undying faith has allowed me to fulfill both desires. By relying on God I’ve found out who I’m meant to be, and by trusting in God I’ve found someone who loves me. I went through a tough time after my first relationship. I didn’t know who I was without co-dependence of a relationship and felt vulnerable and worthless. I struggled for months and felt stranded in the middle of an open field with tall, unkept grasses. Finally, I made the decision that guided me back to a cleared, narrow pathway. I decided to subject all my fear, anger and regret to God, and when I did He transported me back to the road I was destined to travel. I was thirsting for love and solidity in who I am, and He quenched this thirst and gave me back the meaning I was desperately searching for after I lost who I was.
I thought about all of this as I sat in a pew staring up at those two words next to the love of my life. A man I wouldn’t have met if I hadn’t gone through a period of being stranded in the middle of that open field with tall, unkept grasses. I wasn’t prepared for him to come into my life after my last relationship ended. I had to do some major renovations before my heart was ready to be given to someone else, and when it was this incredible man walked into my life. I looked over at him repeatedly during mass and just smiled and chuckled. He asked what I was smiling about, but all I could say was “Nothing baby” and kept right on smiling. I smiled because I knew that God brought us together for a reason, and He quenched my thirst for love in the best way! I know for as long as I maintain my faith I’ll never go thirsty again and all the voids in my life will forever be fulfilled.